Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
