That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
