maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
