Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
