She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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