That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
