She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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