the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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