Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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