morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
