how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
