He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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