3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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