i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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