If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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