he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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