So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
