I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I will pee on everything he values.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize