Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
