i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
