Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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