I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
