She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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