The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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