Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
