true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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