I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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