wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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