Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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