Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
