So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
