Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
The air taste purple.
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