? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
