Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
