Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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