He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
