I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
