omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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