Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
