how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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