it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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