We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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