Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
