My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
