I'm so fucking centered right now
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
