I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
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I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
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So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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