Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
