Nicole vs. Life
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
