I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
