so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
