I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
