My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
