and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
