I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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