Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
