girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
he just fucked me for my cheese.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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