Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize