if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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