That's when you crack a 10am beer
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
