On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
