Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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