Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
