but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
