Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
