at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
