He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
