I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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