two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
