Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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