We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
