I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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