I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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