omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I don't think brook has ever known best
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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