I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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