did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
