sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I think a kid would responsible me up
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
