so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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