I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
