If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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