we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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